微凉的季节，寂静的的房间，不愿藏入被窝，逃不出奔跑的梦与情绪。绮丽的片段又一次流淌在时间的间隙，如纳博科夫收藏的蝴蝶在天花板看不见地飞舞。

想起《白色城堡》，一个关于两个男人交换人生的童话。想起《告别圆舞曲》，一曲关于美的颂歌，那些燃烧的枫叶仍让我激动。想起《巴黎的忧郁》，穿越时空，一个孤独的灵魂闯入梦中。想起《野棕榈》，仿佛听见阴冷的风掠过干燥叶片的声音。是不是，所有的故事不管多么离奇，都要比历史真诚？是不是，有一个永恒的象征，有一天我们会在瞬间消融？

“带我走，去远方，此地，土俱是泪！”也许，我们永远向往的都是不可及的远方；也许，所有的土地都浸满泪水；也许，即便走到世界尽头，依然觉得无处为家……

梦里游历过很多房子，弗洛伊德说，房子象征人心或女人，那些旋转的楼梯，想把我引向何处？

Thursday 1 July 1819, Shanklin, Isle of wight

My dearest Lady,

…Ask yourself my love whether you are very cruel to have so entrammelled me, so destroyed my freedom.

Will you confess this in the Letter you must write immediately and do all you can to console me in it — make it rich as a draught of poppies to intoxicate me — write the softest words and kiss them that I may at least touch my lips where yours have been.

For myself I know not how to express my devotion to so fair a form: I want a brighter word than bright, a fairer word than fair.  I almost wish we were butterflies and lived but three summer day — three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.

But however selfish I may feel, I am sure I could never act selfishly:  as I told you a day or two before I left Hampstead, I will never return to London if my Fate does not turn up Pam [ the knave of clubs ] or at least a Court- card.  Though I could centre my Happiness in you I cannot expect to engross your heart so entirely — indeed if I thought you felt as much for me as I do for you at this moment I do not think I could restrain myself from seeing you again tomorrow for the delight of one embrace.

But no — I must live upon hope and Chance.  In case of the worst that can happen, I shall still love you — but what hatred I shall have for another!

 

---

 今天看到电影BRIGHT STAR的介绍，突然很想看

相同的造型,不同的时代.身材变了,领口低了,男人换了,心境改了.

选电脑烦，将来要看好电脑、相机等烦，整理行李烦，想到要保管一大堆证件、卡什么的烦，宅太久了也很烦，什么都不想做也很烦，听到很多人的消息也很烦，突然间想念那些没料到会想念的人很烦，还有很多很多琐事弄得我很烦。

我现在很烦！！！

这不是一个可以继续的故事.
这不是一个可以重复的故事.
这不是一个可以流传的故事.

看完了这个假期里最好看的一本书, ToniMorrison的<宠儿>(Beloved).情节和写法很特别.场景描写真实而残酷,我相信黑人母亲的爱会打动每一个读者.看后会想,在那种非人的境遇下,是人伦还是自由更重要.出于爱,人们会作出怎样的选择?

听了MC的I Want To Know What Love Is,说实话,满失望的.她的翻唱之前几乎都不错(除了Open Arms和Do you know where you'er going to,个人意见),但觉得这次不乐观啊.我很喜欢也很习惯Foreigner的原唱,被改成这么短听着就是觉得少了些什么.重复了很多次,还是没办法喜欢,就第一段还不错.听完后,只想说:I want to know what love is, but I don't know if you can show me.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

No More Shall We Part 2001

这张是暑假里听最多的专辑.我听过全部或者几乎全部专辑的歌手或乐队不多,Nick Cave算其中一个.不像其他被冠上"gothic"标签的歌手,他的音乐不让人感到极端或容易不被人理解.

听这张专辑,就像到了遥远的北方,在蓝绿色的深水中没有时限地游动.没有呼吸,不会有气泡干扰宁静.在水中用力挥动四肢,展现不出力量,只是编出失重的舒缓的舞蹈.不知道自己是在下沉抑或是上升,只能感受神秘水域的颜色优雅地渐变,感受水温出奇地并不寒冷刺骨.

仿佛所有的忧伤都被你唱尽,却没有被你带到绝望的深渊,你带来的,是伸出水面一瞬间呼吸到的异常纯净的空气,看到的第一缕穿过枯树的阳光.

喜欢<As I Sat Sadly By Her Side>,让我想到一个空荡的黑色舞台,只有一束白光跟随一个女孩的身影.她不说话,只用舞蹈讲述,迷失在一个无时无刻不在坠落的世界里.剩下的,是想象中的道具,想象中的风,想象中的观众.那个讲故事的人,和他舒缓的钢琴声,一起停留在黑暗里,不曾现身.

As I Sat Sadly By Her Side

As I sat sadly by her side
At the window, through the glass
She stroked a kitten in her lap
And we watched the world as it fell past
Softly she spoke these words to me
And with brand new eyes, open wide
We pressed our faces to the glass
As I sat sadly by her side

She said, "Father, mother, sister, brother,
Uncle, aunt, nephew, niece,
Soldier, sailor, physician, labourer,
Actor, scientist, mechanic, priest
Earth and moon and sun and stars
Planets and comets with tails blazing
All are there forever falling
Falling lovely and amazing"

Then she smiled and turned to me
And waited for me to reply
Her hair was falling down her shoulders
As I sat sadly by her side

As I sat sadly by her side
The kitten she did gently pass
Over to me and again we pressed
Our different faces to the glass
"That may be very well", I said
"But watch the one falling in the street
See him gesture to his neighbours
See him trampled beneath their feet
All outward motion connects to nothing
For each is concerned with their immediate need
Witness the man reaching up from the gutter
See the other one stumbling on who can not see"

With trembling hand I turned toward her
And pushed the hair out of her eyes
The kitten jumped back to her lap
As I sat sadly by her side

Then she drew the curtains down
And said, "When will you ever learn
That what happens there beyond the glass
Is simply none of your concern?
God has given you but one heart
You are not a home for the hearts of your brothers

And God does not care for your benevolence
Anymore than he cares for the lack of it in others
Nor does he care for you to sit
At windows in judgement of the world He created
While sorrows pile up around you
Ugly, useless and over-inflated"

At which she turned her head away
Great tears leaping from her eyes
I could not wipe the smile from my face
As I sat sadly by her side

最后,加插一句,今天听到一首老歌,David Bowie的<Rock & Roll Suicide>,读了一首小诗,博尔赫斯的<蒙得维的亚>